- The Food Is Close to What You Get on a Domestic Flight to Bismark North Dakota
- Enchiladas Were Swimming the Breast Stroke in Grease and Oils
- Yes, It's Cheap. But Guess What, Eating Out of a Dumpster Doesn't Cost Anything.
- Please Make It Stop. Please Bring Me a Mop.
- Was It Too Sexy of a Look and We Are Trying to Make the Liberals Happy?
- They Taste As I'd Imagine Sponge Bob's Crabby Patty Would Taste
- If I Ever Want to Black Out and Contract an STD I'll Be Back
- The Pigeons on Revere Beach Get Better Service Than What We Got Tonight
- Lobster Was Horribly Overcooked and Had More Rubber Than a Trojan
- Those of Us Waiting for Orders Got a Healthy Dose of Plumber's Butt
- I Was Really Annoyed by the Spoons!
- I Overheard Him Invite Her Into the Bathroom for a Few Minutes
- One Employee Made Sure to Say the Word "Balls" as Many Times as Possible. Excellent Work.
- To Sum It Up, Biting Into the Burgers Taste Like Biting Into Donnie Walhburg's Sweaty Asshole
- Literally Every Time I've Found a Hair
- Oh God, I'm Going to Puke in Front of All These People
- SPOILER ALERT: THE OWNER CALLS THE COPS ON ME
- The Lettuce Tasted Like a Creepy Basement. As Did the Bread.
- I'm Sure I'll Return for More Torture, But Not Today
- It Was Like Chewing Concrete Mixed With Broken Glass
- A Lot of the Customers Had Gray Hair, Making You Wonder If It Was Due to the Slow Service
- So Overcooked It Resembled Fancy Feast
- Food Inspired by Child Molesters, Mass Murderers, Kidnappers, and Sex Criminals
- The Weeping of the Brahmins Was a Little Distracting
- A MUSIC SELECTION THAT MAKES ME WANT TO SLIT MY WRISTS
- This Is Illegal Seafood at Its Finest
- I've Been to Crackhouses Where I've Felt Safer. Also, That Had Less Crack.
Boardwrap Greatest Hits, From Creepy Basement Lettuce to Weeping Brahmins
The time has come to retire Boardwrap, our weekly collection of some of the weirdest, funniest, and scariest quotes from Yelp and beyond. To say goodbye, let's look back through the archives at some of the bleakest, most bizarre reviews of the bunch. [sic] throughout.