Attack With Sausage Links is Latest in Rash of Weekly Assaults With Trendy Foods

The state of Massachusetts is in the grips of a trendy foods assault crime wave, with one incident occurring each week for the past three weeks. On June 8 a Barnstable man doused a pair of jeans in "wasabi sauce" and then threw the sinus-clearing garment into his victim's face. On June 13 a woman at a Wendy's in Roslindale grabbed a handful of mac n' cheese and threw it in the face of an employee, thereby turning a comfort food into a discomfort food. And now a man from Holbrook has attacked a man from Brockton "using stolen sausage links" (and a wrench).

A police lieutenant tells the Patriot Ledger that the attacker "started swinging sausage links" at the victim before stealing some of his possessions and dumping the weapon in the trash. These edible nunchaku were traced back to a break and entry at a sausage stand at the Brockton Fairgrounds. Thankfully all three victims have survived, but no one knows where the next weekly trendy food assault will strike, so beware of suspicious persons wielding sliders, charcuterie, craft cocktails, cupcakes, froyo and all small plates in general.

· Holbrook man used sausage links as a weapon [PL via UH]
· Crimewire [~EBOS~]
· Man beats another man with sausage links [GS]

[Photo: One Inch Punch]